Voices in My Head

I don't know about you, but my brain is ALWAYS on.  Well, except when I'm sleeping....I think.  I had a conversation about this with my oldest son (he's 15).  I asked him what he was thinking about.  "Nothing."  "Nothing?  How is that even possible?  I ALWAYS have something talking in my head!"  He tried to explain how to think of nothing:  "just think of black...just black...and then that's nothing."

Nope....

Here's my reply:  "Do you mean black like someone colored it black or black meaning an absence of light?  And if it's been colored black, is it crayons?  Pencils?  Markers?  Paint?  Oil or watercolor?  Maybe it's black fabric blocking out the light?  Velvet?  Taffeta?  Jersey?"

He rolled his eyes.  "MOM!  Stop!  Fine...just think...blue."

"What color blue?  Robin's egg?  Sky?  Aqua?"

I think he jumped out of the car at that point....I don't know, as I was still considering all the different "blue" options I had.  I'm telling you, my brain is always going - even when I want silence.  Most of the time, it's a song playing in there.  When I try to pray, there's a song.  When I'm sitting quietly, there's a song.  When I try to read my bible, there's a song.  When I watch the birds, there's a song.  I have always thought that I needed that "noise" to shut up so I could think.

Turns out I was wrong.

Over the last couple of weeks, that internal song/voice just stopped.  I don't know what happened, but it wasn't there.  I wasn't hearing, "in the middle of the storm, I'll be holding on, I am...holding on to you...." or "how great is our God, sing with me how great is our God."  And I will tell you those were the worst two weeks I think I've ever had.  I've gone through some pretty dark times in my life, but since I've become a Christian, I have NEVER doubted the way I did the past two weeks.

Saturday, the songs came back.  I don't know where they went and I don't know why, but I am not going to complain about them again.  I think they are my shield of faith.  I can't hear all the mean things the enemy is shooting at me because I have a song (based on verses) singing in my head.  I can see how Saul was soothed by David singing psalms with his harp.  I bet he was hearing the enemy and David sang truth.

1 Samuel 16:23 - Whenever the spirit from God came upon Saul, David would take his harp and play.  Then relief would come to Saul; he would feel better, and the evil spirit would leave him.