How much is TOO much??

I'm so sick of everyone being so impressed with "all I do".  I'm tired of being told I "do too much".  Everyone assumes that I don't rest and that I need a break.  What if "too much" is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing?  What if I'm not too tired because what I do and what I'm good at are aligning and I LIKE it?

In His Presence

As you all know, my animals follow me out to the garden when I go out there.  My dog is NOT allowed into the garden gate, however, as she does not know to stay out of the beds and the plants.  Abi (the dog) is my shadow.  It is so very annoying - she follows me (seriously) everywhere.

So, as I putter in the garden, my dog waits outside the fence.  She waits patiently, never going anywhere she can't see me.  It's very important to her that she be able to see me.

I was thinking again (still?!) how annoying she is when I realized that maybe she's just acting the way I should be acting.  Shouldn't I be always in sight of God?  Just to BE in His presence?  I don't talk to Abi every moment, but I do check in every once in a while to be sure she hasn't wandered.  Maybe God doesn't speak every moment (although He probably does and I'm not listening), but speaks to give me guidance as to where to be - right near Him.

Holding On

The days get better, the hurt is less sharp, but it's never really gone.  The anger comes over me when I least expect it and I want to lash out, retaliate.  I want to hide under the covers and never come out.  When someone says, "how are you?" I want ask, "how do you THINK I am?"  People say it'll be okay.  Well, it's not and it's not going to be for quite awhile.

How do I get through?  I don't know.  I'm doing a lot of things out of sheer obedience.  I know I can't go hide, I know that walking away from church isn't the right thing, and I know that God is holding on to me...

...so I'm holding on to Him.

"As for God, His way is perfect.  The word of the Lord is flawless.  He is a shield for those who take refuge in Him.  For who is God besides the Lord?  And who is the Rock except our God?"   -Psalm 18:30-31