Some days

Some days, you know??  <sigh>

I stay home with my four kids, and we homeschool.  It's the best choice for us and it's what God has called me to do, but some days....

Everyone thinks I'm so patient and loving, and I can be, but some days....

The assumption is my children do everything right and they're going to be Rhodes scholars when they grow up because homeschooling turns children into geniuses (unless you hate homeschooling, in which case you assume my children are blithering idiots!).  My kids do lots of things right - and lots of things wrong.  They are human, after all.  And geniuses?  I'm just happy they're on grade level.  One kid couldn't read well until he was eleven, one couldn't do math to save her life.  One stresses so badly during tests that even if I JUST heard him give the right method and answer to a problem, he cannot do it on a TEST.  One cries if the test lasts longer than ten minutes and she doesn't know one answer.  I am so tired of hearing about brilliant children, when mine are just regular kids.  I wouldn't trade them for the world, but I wish I didn't feel so bombarded with comparisons.  Some days....

I have no answers for those days.  I have nothing left to give on those days.  I give, I give, I give, and then I give some more.  And that's just the kids!  I still have a husband!  I have had to come to the very hard realization that, as a dear friend once told me, I am not Jesus.  I cannot do everything - I can't do ANYTHING without Him.  I cannot parent my children.  I cannot keep my home.  I cannot be a loving help-meet to my husband.  I cannot even breathe without Him.  I know this, because I have gone through some very dark days when I know it was only God's amazing grace keeping me upright.  I know it.  I KNOW IT.  But some days.....

I forget.  I forget that I am not called to be perfect, but perfecting.  I am not called to do all things, but all things through Christ.  I am called to love, to nurture, to care for the "least of these."

Some days....

I can do that.

Even still....

I have been a Christian for more than half my life.  Wow.  That's a crazy thing....anyway....I accepted Christ as my savior when I was 19.  You do the math, because I'm not doing it for you!  I have read the Bible, bits and pieces, of course, and then all the way through at least four or five times.  Even still, God speaks to me through His word.  I find that amazing!!

"For the word of God is living and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." - Hebrews 4:12

I came across a verse that I SWEAR I've never read before (even though of course, it's been in there the entire time!).  Exodus 23:2:  Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong.

Hmmm.....seems to me that covers a MULTITUDE of choices that we make every day.  This world is definitely doing wrong at all times of the day.  Refusing to acknowledge Christ, disregarding the sanctity of marriage (this covers so many things, doesn't it?!), blatantly murdering children in the womb...those are just some of the bigger things.  But doesn't that cover the "small" things, too?  Lying on our taxes, speeding, refusing to acknowledge Christ in our daily lives - by not even spending a moment in our Bibles, or praying, or even bowing our will to His.

This is so not a lecture to you.....it's for me.  If you get something out of it, great, but this is totally for me...