Tired

I'm tired.  Not just physically tired, but emotionally tired.  I haven't slept well in a few months.  Even worse in the last two weeks.  I feel like I'm behind in everything.  The last straw was last week's annual "gee, will hubby have a job this fiscal year"?

I'm tired of that happening every damn year.  It's been seven years since he left active duty and every year, some years every MONTH, we have wondered how long his job will last.

Every year (or whatever interval it happens to be), I work through the whole, "do I trust GOD or do I trust hubby's paycheck coming in"?  Every year.  You'd think I'd be good at it by now.  I'm not.  And neither is he.  It's no fun dealing with your own spiritual struggles, but helping your spouse with his at 3 am is even harder.

I'm tired of wondering "if".  I want security and stability.  I just want it my way.  I have security and stability.  "The Lord is my rock and my salvation."  "If God is for us, who can be against us?"