In the Dark

We have three bluebird houses in our yard, but every year we have at most one pair nesting.  Why, you ask?  Not because we don't have bluebirds (we have at least a dozen in our neighborhood), but because we've had house sparrows.  Awful, ugly, mean, hateful house sparrows.

If you don't know, house sparrows are NOT native to the United States.  Some idiot brought them over here from England, WHY, I don't know.

They destroy bluebird nests, eggs, and even bluebirds.  Show no pity.  

I have tried scaring them away, shooting them with a BB gun, and destroying their nests and eggs.  None of these methods work.  They've chased away chickadees, swallows, and bluebirds.  Finally this year, I had enough.  

These VanErt traps are totally worth the money.  They trap a bird in the birdhouse and then we determine what to do with the bird, depending on what bird is caught.  We set them up and not five minutes later, we caught a sparrow.  By the end of the day, three sparrows had been "dispatched".  Unfortunately, we also caught a chickadee and a bluebird.  Those were released with no ill effects.  Everything that I've read says that they may still even come and nest in our yard.

Anyway, I have spent considerable time thinking about this, because I hate the idea of killing creatures - even if it's for a good cause.  I was especially concerned about having caught the chickadee and bluebird.  As I pondered (and maybe even fretted a bit!), I realized that even though the birds were caught in the dark, it was for a really good cause.

Of course, that led me to consider periods of darkness in my life.  I hate them.  I wish I didn't have to go through them.  But I hope that I can look at them in the future as necessary.  The birds in my yard could have been chased away, injured, or destroyed by the sparrows.  The moments of dark, while they may have seemed long, were needed to protect them from the evil they didn't even know existed.

"When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by.  Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back, but my face must not be seen." -Exodus 33:22

God's glory passes by me, but I am hidden in the dark by His hand so that I may live.  God fights for me, but I may not see it.  In the dark is not necessarily a bad place to be.

Be anxious for nothing...

Today I was reading an email from John Rosemond, a child-development expert.  At least, I think that's how he describes himself.  I could be wrong.  He's written several books I really like:  To Spank or Not to Spank, Because I Said So, and some others I can't remember right now.  He gives the kind of advice that our parents would appreciate.  Things like, don't make a big deal our of things that aren't a big deal (parents nowadays make EVERYTHING a big deal), and don't try to have a discussion with a four-year-old when it comes to obedience - she needs to do it "because I said so."  Ever so simple.

Anyway, his email today was talking about a kid that was doing something weird (but not THAT weird), and the parents freaked and the problem got worse (go figure).  I always see it as a control thing.  The kid figures out that you're upset, they like the control, so they keep doing it.  Watch your kid change his behavior when you stop making a big deal about it.

He said a really profound thing when writing about how the problem got worse when the parents had anxiety and it got better when they simply said, "when you act like this, 'the doctor' says it's because you don't get enough sleep, so you must go to bed immediately after dinner".  "The doctor" is completely fictional, but it lends authority to the parents' words.

The next day, the odd behavior stopped.  Rosemond said, "when children develop problems, they need parents who are authoritative, not anxious. Anxiety and authority are incompatible."

Profound, no?  When I allow God's authority in my life, anxiety is incompatible with it.  When I allow anxiety to rule my life, God's authority is not there.

Just something to ponder.

A Neat Garden

Today was (hopefully) the last hot day of the year.  I spent some time this morning cleaning up the garden - pulling weeds, yanking out tomato plants, and taking down supports.  I get so frustrated with my garden during the growing season - it's always a mess!  As I dug into the dirt, it occurred to me that my garden is only "neat" between the end of one season and the beginning of the next....when there's nothing growing.  When my garden is disheveled and disorderly, my garden is producing the most fruit (or veggies or herbs).

I started thinking that maybe I work too hard to keep my life neat and looking good, but that when I do, maybe I'm not producing any fruit.  Maybe the "messiest" times in my life - when I can't see where I'm supposed to be going, when I wonder what God is doing my life, when things aren't going my way - are the times that I'm growing and maturing fruit.

How much is TOO much??

I'm so sick of everyone being so impressed with "all I do".  I'm tired of being told I "do too much".  Everyone assumes that I don't rest and that I need a break.  What if "too much" is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing?  What if I'm not too tired because what I do and what I'm good at are aligning and I LIKE it?

In His Presence

As you all know, my animals follow me out to the garden when I go out there.  My dog is NOT allowed into the garden gate, however, as she does not know to stay out of the beds and the plants.  Abi (the dog) is my shadow.  It is so very annoying - she follows me (seriously) everywhere.

So, as I putter in the garden, my dog waits outside the fence.  She waits patiently, never going anywhere she can't see me.  It's very important to her that she be able to see me.

I was thinking again (still?!) how annoying she is when I realized that maybe she's just acting the way I should be acting.  Shouldn't I be always in sight of God?  Just to BE in His presence?  I don't talk to Abi every moment, but I do check in every once in a while to be sure she hasn't wandered.  Maybe God doesn't speak every moment (although He probably does and I'm not listening), but speaks to give me guidance as to where to be - right near Him.

Holding On

The days get better, the hurt is less sharp, but it's never really gone.  The anger comes over me when I least expect it and I want to lash out, retaliate.  I want to hide under the covers and never come out.  When someone says, "how are you?" I want ask, "how do you THINK I am?"  People say it'll be okay.  Well, it's not and it's not going to be for quite awhile.

How do I get through?  I don't know.  I'm doing a lot of things out of sheer obedience.  I know I can't go hide, I know that walking away from church isn't the right thing, and I know that God is holding on to me...

...so I'm holding on to Him.

"As for God, His way is perfect.  The word of the Lord is flawless.  He is a shield for those who take refuge in Him.  For who is God besides the Lord?  And who is the Rock except our God?"   -Psalm 18:30-31

Baby birds

It's finally warm enough to really get the garden going.  I went out this morning to do a little weeding, deal with the potatoes, transplant the tomato plants, and do some watering.  The pets like to come with me - the cats sniff around to see if any rodents have intruded, and the dog wanders the yard, looking for rabbit droppings (yes, it's gross, but that's what she's doing).

Today, the cats got really interested in something at the same time.  I wasn't paying much attention, but as they crept towards each other from opposite sides of the garden, I saw what they were watching.  A young robin was fluttering on the ground.  I'm not sure if it could fly or not, as it was right up against the fence.  I walked over to pick it up and get it out of the garden, because my cats are killers!

As I picked up the robin, it started to squawk...and then the parents started.  They squawked, they swooped, they were MIGHTY upset.  I gently tossed the bird out of the garden and it fluttered under a tree. The parents didn't give up immediately - they let me know what they thought of me picking up their baby.

As I chuckled at them and told them I was SAVING their baby from certain destruction, it occurred to me that I act like those robin parents.  My kids go through trials and troubles - sometimes due to their own choices, other times because of what others have done - and I squawk and I rant and I rail against God for allowing such a thing to happen.

Maybe, just maybe, God is rescuing my children from certain destruction, and the "trials" and "troubles" that my kids go through are just part of the rescuing process.  A process that can seem hard and mean and devastating, but that is infinitely better than what they were headed for - certain destruction.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'"   Jeremiah 29:11

"For the thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy..."    John 10:10